2016-09-05 – Not having a good day

I slept well, and don’t recall being awake at all during the night.  When I wake, I have the familiar tremor in my left leg but, other than that, all is well.  When I get downstairs and have my cup of tea, the rot sets in.  I’m stressed because I’m not achieving anything with regards to finishing the renovation of the cottage.  I’ve been busy (and happy) making videos for my YouTube channel (and I have some great ideas for making some more), but that isn’t getting the kitchen finished or the bathroom tiled or any of the other 101 jobs that need to be done so that we can enjoy our home and relax a little.  The stress immediately triggers fairly violent tremors throughout my body, making a mockery of the the expensive piece of kit implanted in my brain and chest.  I can’t seem to relax and calm down at all.

I have an appointment with the Parkinson’s nurse at North Walsham Cottage Hospital this morning, and she can see immediately how stressed I am.  She works hard at getting me to try some relaxation routines, but I can’t say that they were very successful.  I feel thoroughly miserable.

My wife and I wander around the town when my appointment is over, and I buy some milk bottle gums to send to my brother in Nova Scotia (it’s a form of payment for the work he has done, setting up the website for my wife’s business).   My wife buys a “Condolences” card for the family of one of her customers, who succumbed to terminal cancer at the weekend – she’s not having a great day today, either.

Home.  It says a lot about my state of mind today that I have almost constant severe tremor, but it doesn’t even cross my mind to self medicate until after dinner this evening.  It’s gone 7.30pm now and my tremor has calmed down a little – probably due to the beer I’m just finishing.  I’m going to self-medicate with a little cannabis in a moment, and hopefully I can calm things down a little more.

Interestingly, my dystonia hasn’t increased in line with my tremor (which it usually does), my balance seems better than yesterday, and it’s only now that my voice starts to deteriorate (probably because I’m tiring). Dyskinesia is on a par with yesterday.  Mentally – just forget it – tomorrow’s another day.

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